The last question of the interview
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the first candidate.
“Yes. You have no ears.”
He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the second candidate.
“Yes. You have no ears.”
He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the third candidate.
“Yes. You’re wearing contacts.”
Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, “That’s correct. How did you know?”
“You can’t wear glasses if you don’t have any freakin’ ears.”
I almost got caught yesterday
Three sardar Santa, Banta & Ghanta worked in the same office under the same boss.
Each day, the boss left work early.
One day, they all decided that when the boss left they would leave too.
After all, he never called or came back to work, so how would he know they went home early? The Bunta Singh was thrilled to be home early.
He did a little gardening, had some playtime with his son, and went to bed early.
The Ghanta Singh was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The Santa Singh was happy to get home early and surprise her wife. But when he got home, he heard a muffled noise coming from inside his bedroom.
Slowly and quietly, he cracked open the door and was mortified to see his wife in bed with his boss! Gently, he closed the door and crept out of his house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the Banta and Ghanta said they planned to leave early again, and they asked the Santa if he was going to go with them.
“No way,” he said. “I almost got caught yesterday!”
Attention employees
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative ‘TRY SAYING’ phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING:She’s an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF:She’s a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING:Perhaps I can work late .
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING:Really?
INSTEAD OF:You’ve got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING:Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF:Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:It’s not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING:That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF:What the f___?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:This sh__ won’t work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING:I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn’t you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING:He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:He’s got his head up his a__.
Number 12
TRY SAYING:Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:Kiss my a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__it, I’m on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING:He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:He’s a pr_ck.
Thank You,
Human Resources