# Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
# You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
# Well this day was a total waste of make up
# Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.
# Do I look like a people person?
# This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
# I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
# Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
# Why don’t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
# I’m not crazy. I’ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
# Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
# Do they ever shut up on your planet?
# I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
# Stress is what you have when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.
# Back off!! You’re standing in my aura.
# Don’t worry, I forgot your name too.
# I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
# Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
# Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
# Chaos, panic and disorder…my work here is done.
# Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
# You look like shit. Is that the style now?
# Earth is full. Go home.
# Aw, did I step on our poor little itty bitty ego?
# I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.
It was always his dream to own his own business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the first candidate.
“Yes. You have no ears.”
He quickly eliminated the first candidate.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the second candidate.
“Yes. You have no ears.”
He quickly eliminated the second candidate.
“Do you notice anything unusual about me?” he asked the third candidate.
“Yes. You’re wearing contacts.”
Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, “That’s correct. How did you know?”
“You can’t wear glasses if you don’t have any freakin’ ears.”
Three sardar Santa, Banta & Ghanta worked in the same office under the same boss.
Each day, the boss left work early.
One day, they all decided that when the boss left they would leave too.
After all, he never called or came back to work, so how would he know they went home early? The Bunta Singh was thrilled to be home early.
He did a little gardening, had some playtime with his son, and went to bed early.
The Ghanta Singh was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The Santa Singh was happy to get home early and surprise her wife. But when he got home, he heard a muffled noise coming from inside his bedroom.
Slowly and quietly, he cracked open the door and was mortified to see his wife in bed with his boss! Gently, he closed the door and crept out of his house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the Banta and Ghanta said they planned to leave early again, and they asked the Santa if he was going to go with them.
“No way,” he said. “I almost got caught yesterday!”