Things Stressed Women Say At Work
You are depriving some village of an idiot.
Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
Well this day was a total waste of make up
Don’t bother me, I’m living happily ever after.
Do I look like a people person?
This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
Why don’t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
I’m not crazy. I’ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
Stress is what you have when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.
Back off!! You’re standing in my aura.
Don’t worry, I forgot your name too.
I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
Chaos, panic and disorder…my work here is done.
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
You look like shit. Is that the style now?
Earth is full. Go home.
Aw, did I step on our poor little itty bitty ego?
I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
College female dormitory
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students.
Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”
He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: “How much for a season pass?”
Whats In The Name
Bernie was invited to his ageing friend’s home for dinner.
Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her ‘Honey’, ‘My Love’, ‘Darling’, ‘Sweetheart’, etc.
Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, ‘That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names.’
Morris hung his head and whispered, ‘To tell the truth, I forgot her name a few years ago.’
