12 signs you may be a fundamental atheist
1. You became an atheist when you were 10 years old, based on ideas of God that you learned in Sunday School. Your ideas about God haven’t changed since.
2. You think that the primary aim of an omni-benevolent God is for people to have FUN.
3. Although you’ve memorized a half a dozen proofs that He doesn’t exist, you still think you’re God’s gift to the ignorant masses.
4. You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist.
5. You spend hours arguing that atheism actually means “without a belief in God ” and not just ” belief that there is no god”, as if this is a meaningful distinction in real life.
6. You can make the existence of pink unicorns the center-piece of a philosophical critique.
7. You’re a spoiled fifteen year old boy who lives in the suburbs and you go into a chat room to declare that, “I know there is no God because no loving God would allow anyone to suffer as much as I…hold on. My cell phone’s ringing.”
8. You believe that if something cannot be touched, seen, heard, or measured in some way, then it must not exist, yet you fail to see the irony of your calling Christians “narrow-minded”.
9. You believe that priests are only in it for the money, despite the fact that they make less than almost anyone else with their level of education.
10. Your only knowledge of The Bible comes from searching ‘bible contradictions’ in Google.
11. You believe the movie Dogma gives the most accurate portrayal of Christian theology.
12. You refuse to eat at Church’s Chicken, and it’s NOT because the chicken’s too greasy.
Funny Church Signs
- “No God — No Peace. Know God — Know Peace.”
- “Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!”
- “Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.”
- “Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!”
- An ad for St.Joseph’s Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, “For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.”
- When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, “Open Sundays,” the church reciprocated with its own message: “We are open on Sundays, too.”
- “Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons — come hear one!”
- A singing group called “The Resurrection” was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, “The Resurrection is postponed.”
- “People are like tea bags — you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.”
- “God so loved the world that He did not send a committee.”
- “Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!”
- “When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright.”
- “Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.”
- “Fight truth decay — study the Bible daily.”
- “How will you spend eternity — Smoking or Non-smoking?”
- “Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives”:
- “Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.”
- “It is unlikely there’ll be a reduction in the wages of sin.”
- “Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.”
- “If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.”
- “If you don’t like the way you were born, try being born again.”
- “Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.”
- “This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?”
- “Forbidden fruit creates many jams.”
- “In the dark? Follow the Son.”
- “Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up.”
- “If you can’t sleep, don’t count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd.”
9 Signs Your Police Partner Needs A Vacation
9. Every Tuesday he insists it’s his turn to be the siren.
8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he’d look good in a collar.
7. He wants you to call him “Judge Dredd”, and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot.
6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the “good cop”, and the other half is the “bad cop”.
5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat.
4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers.
3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles.
2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel.
1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
