Cheap Porsche
A man saw an advertisement in a paper which read, “Porsche for sale: $200.” He went to view it, expecting to find a battered heap of rust, but instead found himself face to face with a gleaming new model in mint condition.
“Why are you selling it for $200?” he asked the lady.
“Simple. Last week, my husband ran off with his secretary. He said: “You can keep the house, but sell my Porsche and send the money to me.”
You can’t marry her
One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, “Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George’s dad took him aside, “Son, I have to talk with you.” “Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she’s a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan is actually your half sister, and I’m afraid you can’t marry her.”
George was broken-hearted. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, “Dianne said yes! We’re getting married in June.” Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. “Dianne is your half sister too, George. I’m awfully sorry about this.” George was livid!
He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared. “Dad has done so much harm. I guess I’m never going to get married,” he complained. “Every time I fall in love, dad tells me the girl is my half sister.” “Hehehe,” his mother chuckled, shaking her head, “don’t pay any attention to what he says. He’s not really your father.”
Marriage and the Church
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newly-wed couple wanted to join a church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.”
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”
The old man replied, “No problem at all, Priest.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!” said the priest.
The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?” The middle-aged man replied, “The first week was not too bad.
The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yep we made it.”
“Congratulations! Welcome to the church,” said the priest.
The priest then went to the newly-wed couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?” “No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied sadly.
“What happened?” inquired the priest.
“My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it” said the young man.
“When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”
“You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church” stated the priest.
“We know,” said the young man. “We’re not welcome at the Supermarket anymore either…”
