Tasty lawyer
The scene is a dark jungle. Two tigers are stalking through the undergrowth in single file when the one to the rear reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The startled tiger turns around and says, “Hey! Cut it out, all right!”
The rear tiger says, “sorry,” and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger again reaches out with his tongue and licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and cuffs the rear tiger and says, “I said stop it!”
The rear tiger says, “sorry,” and they continue. After about another five minutes, the rear tiger once more licks the bottom of the tiger in front. The front tiger turns around and asks the rear tiger, “What is it with you, anyway?”
The rear tiger replies, “Well, I just ate a lawyer and I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth!”
Short Lawyer Jokes
Q. Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy.
Q. Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A. Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and night crawlers.
Q. What’s the definition of a lawyer?
A. A mouth with a life support system.
Q. What’s the definition of mixed emotions?
A. Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new car.
Q. Have you heard about the lawyersTM word processor?
A. No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
Q. What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A. The caterer.
Q. How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
A. Other lawyers look interested.
Q. What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What’s the difference between a bankrupt attorney and a pigeon?
A. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
Q. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A. His lips are moving.
Q. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist.
Q. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
Q. If you drop a snake and an attorney off the Empire State Building, which one hits first?
A. Who cares?
Q. What do honest lawyers and UFOs have in common?
A. You always hear about them, but you never see them.
Q. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A. Lawyers accumulate frequent flyer points.
Q. What’s the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A. Jewelry.
Bills bills bills
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer