What About Christmas?
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says. “We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they’re getting divorced,” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this.” She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone, too, and turns to his wife. “Okay,” he says, “they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now what do we tell them for Christmas?”
A Texan on holiday
A Texas farmer went to Australia on vacation.
There he met an Aussie farmer who took him on a tour of his farm.
The Aussie showed of his big wheat field and the Texan said, ‘We have wheat fields twice the size of this.’
They walked around the farm a little and the Aussie showed off his herd of cattle and the Texan said, ‘We have longhorns at least twice as big as your cows.’
All of a sudden the Texan saw a huge herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. ‘And what are those?’, he asked.
The Aussie replied, ‘Dont you have grasshoppers in Texas?’
