Golf Lesson
A brunette arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she’d do.
The brunette did so and completely duffed the shot.
The pro said “Your swing is good but you’re gripping the club too hard. Grip the club gently as you would your husband’s penis.”.
The brunette took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.
The pro said “That was excellent!! Let’s try it again, only this time take the club out of your mouth.”
Funny Funeral Procession
Two men are playing golf one day. As they are about to start one of the holes, a funeral procession goes by on the road beside the course. One of the golfers, Harry, takes off his cap and stands with his cap to his chest, and waits for the entire procession to go by. He then puts his cap back on and proceeds to tee off.
“Gee Harry, that was a very nice gesture on your part. It was very thoughtful and respectful of you to do that,” his friend says.
“Well,” Harry replies, “I was married to her for 30 years, it was the least I could do.”
Moses and Jesus playing golf
Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.
The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there, it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto the fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond.
On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it rested quietly. Suddenly, a very large bullfrog jumped up on the lily pad and snatched the ball into his mouth.
Just then, an eagle swooped down and grabbed the frog and flew away. As they passed over the green, the frog squealed with fright and dropped the ball which bounced right into the hole for a beautiful hole in one.
Moses then turned to Jesus and said, “I hate playing with your Dad.”
