One day Osama bin Laden was walking in the desert and he stubbed his toe on some hard object. He bent over to pick it up and a Genie popped out.

“Oh great,” Osama bin Laden said, “I don’t have time for this Genie nonsense.”

“Oh wait,” said the Genie, “You have to let me grant you three wishes or I’ll be trapped in that stupid lamp for another ten thousand years.”

“Ok” said Osama bin Laden, so he wished that the Genie would give him three American women.

So the next morning when he woke up, after the Genie had realized who this man was and after the Genie had granted the wishes, Tanya Harding, Garcella Bevoux, and Hillary Clinton layed next to him. His knee was bashed in, his penis was gone, and he had no health insurance.

Two guys of limited intelligence were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean.

They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped below the surface.

After floating under blazing heat for 6 days they ran out of food and water.

On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water.

As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an oil lamp (the kind the genies come in).

They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. “POOF” out popped a tired old genie who said “ok.. so you freed me from this stupid lamp, yadda, yadda, yadda. But hey, I’ve been doing this 3 wishes stuff for a long time now and quite frankly, I’m burned out. You guys get only ONE wish and then I’m OUTTA here. Make it a good one”.

The first guy, without hesitation or thought blurted out, “Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!!!”

“Fine” said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire ocean into beer.

“Great move Einstein!” said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the head. “NOW we’re gonna have to piss in the BOAT!”

This man is walking on the beach and finds a genie’s lamp. He rubs it, and out pops the genie.

“You have three wishes,” says the genie, “but remember, every wish you make, your wife will get double.”

The man is going through a bitter divorce, but decides to take his three wishes anyway.

“Okay, for my first wish,” the man says, “I want a million-dollar home.”

POOF!–He gets a million-dollar home, and his wife gets a two-million-dollar home.

“For my second wish,” the man says, “I would like a billion dollars.”

POOF–He gets a billion dollars, and his wife gets two billion dollars.

“For my third wish,” the man finished, “could you beat me half to death?”