1. You became an atheist when you were 10 years old, based on ideas of God that you learned in Sunday School. Your ideas about God haven’t changed since.

2. You think that the primary aim of an omni-benevolent God is for people to have FUN.

3. Although you’ve memorized a half a dozen proofs that He doesn’t exist, you still think you’re God’s gift to the ignorant masses.

4. You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist.

5. You spend hours arguing that atheism actually means “without a belief in God ” and not just ” belief that there is no god”, as if this is a meaningful distinction in real life.

6. You can make the existence of pink unicorns the center-piece of a philosophical critique.

7. You’re a spoiled fifteen year old boy who lives in the suburbs and you go into a chat room to declare that, “I know there is no God because no loving God would allow anyone to suffer as much as I…hold on. My cell phone’s ringing.”

8. You believe that if something cannot be touched, seen, heard, or measured in some way, then it must not exist, yet you fail to see the irony of your calling Christians “narrow-minded”.

9. You believe that priests are only in it for the money, despite the fact that they make less than almost anyone else with their level of education.

10. Your only knowledge of The Bible comes from searching ‘bible contradictions’ in Google.

11. You believe the movie Dogma gives the most accurate portrayal of Christian theology.

12. You refuse to eat at Church’s Chicken, and it’s NOT because the chicken’s too greasy.