Bad news and worse news
A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That’s terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
World famous urologist
A world famous urologist believed he could diagnose any disease simply by looking at a urine sample. To test his prowess, a friend with tennis elbow peed into a jar and then got additional donations from his wife, daughter and his dog. The next morning , he jerked off in it as well.
He gave the bottle to the famous urologist and was told he’d called in a few days with the results.
Finally the urologist called and said, “It was tough case but I think I’ve solved it.”
“What wrong with me?” the man asked.
“Well, your wife has the clap, your daughter is pregnant, your dog has worms and if you quit playing with yourself, you wouldn’t have tennis elbow.”
Loving wife
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, ‘Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.’
‘Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim.’ If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. ‘What did the doctor say?’
‘You’re going to die,’ she replied.
