Blonde 2011 Year in Review
January – Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight
February – Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…HELLOOO!…bottles won’t fit in printer.
March – Got really excited…finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months….box said “2 – 4 years”
April – Trapped on escalator for hours…power went out.
May- Tried to make Kool-Aid – wrong instructions… 8 cups of water won’t fit into that little packet.
June- Tried to go water skiing – couldn’t find a lake with a slope.
July – Lost breast stoke swimming competition…learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms.
August- Got locked out of my car in a rain storm…car swamped because soft-top was open.
September- The capital of California is “C”, isn’t it?
October- Hate M&M’s – they are so hard to peel.
November – Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days…instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108 !!!
December – Couldn’t dial 911- duh – there’s no eleven on the stupid phone.
Blonde Painting
One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door
bell and says, “HI, is there anything I could do for your house or you???”
The man thinks and says, “Sure, can paint my porch. You will find
all the stuff in the garage.”
The girl says, “O.K., How much will you pay me?”
The man says, “How much does fifty bucks sound?”
The blonde quickly agrees and get straight to work. The wife who had heard the conversation inside says,
“50 bucks, I hope she knows the porch goes all around the house!”
25 minutes later the girl knocks on the door and says, “O.K. I am done. Can I have my money now?” Surprised the man replies, “O.K. Let me get the money”
He comes back and the girl says as she is leaving, “By the way, it’s a Ferrari, not a Porch!”
Blonde Jokes: The Big Fan
A blonde went to a flight school, insisting she wanted to learn to fly that day. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her on how to pilot the helicopter solo by radio.
He took her out, showed her how to start it, and gave her the basics and sent her on her way.
After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. ‘I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.’
After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was becoming to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in.
A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.
When he asked what happened, she said, ‘I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can’t remember anything after I turned off the big fan.’”
