Good News, Bad News
At the hospital, there was a man lying in the emergency room, the doctor opened the door and walked toward the man.
“Doctor,” the man said, “will I be OK?”
The doctor turned to him and said, “Well there is good and bad news.”
“Tell me the bad news,” said the man.
“Well,” said the doctor, “the doctor, “the bad news is that we are going to cut both your legs off.”
“Oh! my God, what the hell is the good news?” said the man.
“The good news is, see that man over there, he wants to buy your shoes,” said the doctor.
Good News and Bad News
There are these two guys named John and Cliff. They were best friends and were so obsessed with baseball that they would go to 60 games a year and analyze every scoreboard.
They even promised each other that when one of them goes to heaven, the deceased one would come back and tell the other whether there was baseball in heaven or not.
One night Cliff dies in his sleep after watching a Chicago White Sox game — Chicago won, so at least he died a happy man. The next day Cliff returns to earth to see his friend.
“Hi, John.”
“Cliff, is it really you?”
“Hey, I told you I’d be back to tell you what’s up. And, you know John, there’s good news and bad news.”
“Okay. What’s the good news?”
“There is baseball in heaven.”
“The bad news?”
“You’re pitching tomorrow night.”
Bad and very bad news
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That’s terrible! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
