A Texan on holiday
A Texas farmer went to Australia on vacation.
There he met an Aussie farmer who took him on a tour of his farm.
The Aussie showed of his big wheat field and the Texan said, ‘We have wheat fields twice the size of this.’
They walked around the farm a little and the Aussie showed off his herd of cattle and the Texan said, ‘We have longhorns at least twice as big as your cows.’
All of a sudden the Texan saw a huge herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. ‘And what are those?’, he asked.
The Aussie replied, ‘Dont you have grasshoppers in Texas?’
Amazing booze
Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne.
One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Dave said, ‘Man, I wish we had something to drink!’ Jim says, ‘Me too. Y’know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?’ So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed.
The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels.
In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It’s Jim. Jim says, ‘Hey, how do you feel this morning?’
Dave says, ‘I feel great, how about you?’
Jim says, ‘I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?’
Dave says, ‘No that jet fuel is great stuff—no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.’
‘ Yeah, well there’s just one thing.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Have you farted yet?’
‘No.’
‘Well, DON’T, ‘ cause I did and I’m in Perth. ’
Texan in Australia
A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.
Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, “And what are those”?
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”?
