12 signs you may be a fundamental atheist
1. You became an atheist when you were 10 years old, based on ideas of God that you learned in Sunday School. Your ideas about God haven’t changed since.
2. You think that the primary aim of an omni-benevolent God is for people to have FUN.
3. Although you’ve memorized a half a dozen proofs that He doesn’t exist, you still think you’re God’s gift to the ignorant masses.
4. You believe the astronomical size of the universe somehow disproves God, as if God needed a tiny universe in order to exist.
5. You spend hours arguing that atheism actually means “without a belief in God ” and not just ” belief that there is no god”, as if this is a meaningful distinction in real life.
6. You can make the existence of pink unicorns the center-piece of a philosophical critique.
7. You’re a spoiled fifteen year old boy who lives in the suburbs and you go into a chat room to declare that, “I know there is no God because no loving God would allow anyone to suffer as much as I…hold on. My cell phone’s ringing.”
8. You believe that if something cannot be touched, seen, heard, or measured in some way, then it must not exist, yet you fail to see the irony of your calling Christians “narrow-minded”.
9. You believe that priests are only in it for the money, despite the fact that they make less than almost anyone else with their level of education.
10. Your only knowledge of The Bible comes from searching ‘bible contradictions’ in Google.
11. You believe the movie Dogma gives the most accurate portrayal of Christian theology.
12. You refuse to eat at Church’s Chicken, and it’s NOT because the chicken’s too greasy.
The Atheist
One beautiful morning a atheist was walking through the forest, admiring natures surroundings…
He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind high above him and smiled…
He saw the river glisten in the sun twinkle like a new born star and it made him warm inside…
He thought to himself that mother nature had made a true and wonderful world…
The atheist had walked a little further down the track he had taken when suddenly a bear jumped out of the bushes only a few yards ahead of him and started growling, looking hungry and ran quickly towards him…
Seeing the big bear bounding towards him he screamed in horror and started running as fast as he could away from the bear…
Knowing that the bear would catch up to him and he had no chance, the athiest soon ran out of breath and in a few paces fell to the ground…
As the bears shadow fell upon his face and his paws come down upon his chest, the atheist screamed “Oh help me, God!”
Suddenly the trees that he so much admired stopped swaying…
The river he loved suddenly stopped flowing..
And the sky opened up and a voice begun to speak..
“I am God, and even though you dont believe in Me, I am here for every being on this earth”
The atheist felt relieved a little bit and asked God…”Im sort of in this situation, Im only asking if You can help me get out of it”
God thought for a moment and said…”I will give you one wish to help you and that is all, you may proceed with this wish”
The atheist thought about this wish for a moment and then spoke to god..” Well i dont really want to become a christian, so I wish the bear to become a christian”
God spoke…”So be it done”
Suddenly the sky closed up…
The river turned back into its flowing glory…
The trees began to sway again…
And the bear clapped his paws together and said…”Thankyou God for this meal Im about to receive”
