Bad news and worse news
A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.
“Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”
“That’s terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?”
The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
The economy is so bad that
- I got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail.
- Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
- Parents in Bevery Hills are considering raising their own children.
- I saw the CEO of Wal-Mart shopping at Wal-Mart.
- Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.
- A prostitute asked me if she could borrow $20 until she can get back on her back.
- I saw a van full of legal immigrants illegally crossing the border into Mexico.
- I saw four CEOs playing miniature golf.
- Even people who aren’t in Barack Obama’s cabinet aren’t paying taxes.
How to avoid the Swine Flu
Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Wear a mask when out in public places and avoid going out in public as much as possible while the swine flu is spreading.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR …. You can take the doctor’s office approach.
Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first?
Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because alcohol kills germs.
So…… I put on my mask, walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest).
The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!