Best joke ever
Crawling Back Home
An Irishman’s been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face.
He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face.
He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. “So, you’ve been out drinking again!!” “What makes you say that?” he asks as he puts on an innocent look.
“The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.”
Community Service
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks the barber about his bill. “I’m sorry, I can’t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.”
The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there’s a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
Later that day a cop comes in for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, and the barber replies: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.”
The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
Later that day a Democrat comes for a haircut and when he asks the barber what he owes, the barber replies: “I’m sorry, I can’t accept money from you. I’m doing community service this week.”
The Democrat is very happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there are a dozen Democrats waiting at his door.
