Monastery silence
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: hes allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says.
“Thats not surprising,” the elders say. “You`ve done nothing but complain since you got here.”
Funny Jokes: Clever Professor
A grad student, a post-doc, and a professor are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”
“Me first! Me first!” says the grad student. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with a gorgeous woman who sunbathes topless.” Poof! He’s gone.
“Me next! Me next!” says the post-doc. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.” Poof! He’s gone.
“You’re next,” the genie says to the professor.
The professor says, “I want those guys back in the lab after lunch.”
Blonde Painting
One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door
bell and says, “HI, is there anything I could do for your house or you???”
The man thinks and says, “Sure, can paint my porch. You will find
all the stuff in the garage.”
The girl says, “O.K., How much will you pay me?”
The man says, “How much does fifty bucks sound?”
The blonde quickly agrees and get straight to work. The wife who had heard the conversation inside says,
“50 bucks, I hope she knows the porch goes all around the house!”
25 minutes later the girl knocks on the door and says, “O.K. I am done. Can I have my money now?” Surprised the man replies, “O.K. Let me get the money”
He comes back and the girl says as she is leaving, “By the way, it’s a Ferrari, not a Porch!”
