Blonde Jokes: Car Accident
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”
Bar Jokes: The customs of an Irishman
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.”
The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I’m here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we’d drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.”
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: ordering three pints and drinking them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, “I don’t want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.”
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. “Oh, no,” he says, “Everyone’s fine. I’ve just quit drinking.”
Bar Jokes: Laughing Horse
A man walks into a bar. On the bar sits a big jar of twenty dollar bills. The man asks the bartender,”What’s the deal with the jar of money?”
“Well”, the bartender says,”I’ve got a horse tied up in the stable out back. This horse has never laughed in his life. You put a twenty in the jar, then if you can make my horse laugh, You win all the money!”
The man puts his twenty in the jar, and goes out to the stable. He comes back just a few minutes later, and you can hear the horse laughing all the way inside. The man takes his money and leaves.
About a year later, he goes back to the bar, and they’ve got another jar of twenties there.
“What’s the deal now?” He asks.
“Well”,the bartender says,”That damn horse won’t stop laughing! So the first person who can make my horse stop laughing wins the money!”
The man pays his twenty, and goes out to the stable. He returns a few minutes later, and the horse is bawling his eyes out. He picks up his money and is about to leave when the bartender stops him.
“Alright”, he says,”You have won an awful lot of money from me and I want to know how you did it!!”
“Easy”, he says,”I made him laugh by saying mine was bigger than his, and I made him cry by proving it!!”
