St. Peter is very busy in Heaven, so he leaves a sign by the Pearly Gates: “For Service Ring Bell.”
Away he goes; he barely gets started when BING! the bell rings. He rushes back to the gates, but no one’s there.
St. Peter goes back to work when suddenly BING! the bell rings again. He rushes back to the gates, but no one’s there. A little annoyed, St. Peter goes back to work.
Suddenly, BING! the bell rings again. St. Peter goes back; again, no one’s there, and he’s now really, really irritated.
“Okay, that’s it,” he says. “I’m going to hide and watch to see what’s going on.” So St. Peter hides, and a moment later, a little old man walks up and rings the bell.
St. Peter jumps out and yells, “Aha! Are you the guy who keeps ringing the bell?”
“Yes, that’s me,” the little old man says.
“Well, why do you keep ringing the bell and going away?” St. Peter asks.
“They keep resuscitating me.”
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport.
“Thank you, Honey”, she says. “What would you like me to bring back for you?”
He laughs and says, “An Italian girl!”
When the conference is over, he meets her at the airport and asks, “So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good,” she replies.
“And what happened to my present?”
“Which present?” she asks.
“The one I asked for- an Italian girl!”
“Oh, that,” she says. “Well, I did what I could. Now we have to wait nine months to see if it’s a girl.”
A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.
She is wearing a fireman’s hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says “Hey little girl. What are you doing?” The little girl says “I’m pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!”
The fireman walks over to take a closer look. “Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!” the fireman says. “Thanks mister”, says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it’s testicles.
“Little girl”, says the fireman, “I don’t want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog’s neck I think you could go faster.”
The little girl says, “You’re probably right mister, but then I wouldn’t have a siren!”