Winter Weather Forecast
It’s late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets.
When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, ‘Is the coming winter going to be cold?’
‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,’ the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?’ ‘Yes,’ the man at National Weather Service again replied, ‘it’s going to be a very cold winter.’ The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every stick and branch.
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?’
‘Absolutely,’ the man replied,’ It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we’ve ever seen.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ the chief asked.
The weatherman replied, ‘The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood’.
You Know You Are Living 2011 When
1. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee!
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
NOW U R LAUGHING AT YOURSELF!
Top 20 Dumb Blonde Jokes
1. Why do blondes have square boobs?
No one told them to take the tissues out of the box first.
2: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Pregnant.
3. Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the drive-in?
They went to see “Closed for the Winter”.
4. What was the blonde psychic’s greatest achievement?
An in-body experience!
5. What did the dumb blonde say to the doctor when she found out she was pregnant?
“Are you sure it’s mine?”
6. Why are there so many dumb blonde jokes?
It gives brunettes and redheads something to do on Saturday night.
7. How do you get a dumb blonde to marry you?
Tell her she’s pregnant.
8. How do dumb blonde braincells die?
Alone.
9. What is the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot?
A number of people claim to have seen a Bigfoot.
10. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
11. What do you call a blonde surrounded by drooling idiots?
Flattered.
12. Where does a blonde hemophiliac go for medical treatment?
An acupuncturist.
13. Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men.
14. Why do blondes drive VW’s?
Because none of them can spell Porsche.
15. How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t — they’re born that way.
16. How many blondes does it take to play tag?
One.
17. What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell — she’s got a hand grenade in her mouth!
18. What does an intelligent blonde and a UFO have in common?
No matter how often you hear about them, you never see one.
19: What do you call a blonde with a 50 I.Q.?
Gifted.
20. What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
Last year’s hide and seek champion.
