1. Be thankful you haven’t been spammed!
2. Be thankful your computer isn’t down!
3. Be thankful your favorite forum isn’t down!
4. Be thankful you don’t have The Good Times virus!
5. Be thankful your server isn’t down!
6. Be thankful for a vast selection of Web sites to browse!
7. Be thankful no one knows who you really are!
8. Be thankful someone sent you a cyber sundae, and you didn’t gain a pound!
9. Be thankful your 28 year old cyberfriend really isn’t 72!
10. Be thankful for a fast Internet connnection!
11. Be thankful no one sent you a cyber voo-doo doll!
Yo mamma is so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her…
Yo momma is so fat even Bill Gates couldn’t pay for her liposuction!
Yo momma is so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!
Yo momma is so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!
Yo momma is so fat God couldn’t light Earth till she moved!
Yo momma is so fat her college graduation picture was an airial.
Yo momma is so fat her legs are like spoiled milk – white & chunky!
Yo momma is so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!
Yo momma is so fat her nickname is “DAMN”
Yo momma is so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitches good side!
Yo momma is so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
Yo momma is so fat people jog around her for exercise
Yo momma is so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.
Yo momma is so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!
Yo momma is so fat she can`t reach her back pocket.
Yo momma is so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.
Yo momma is so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!
Yo momma is so fat she fell in love and broke it.
Yo momma is so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says “okay!”
Yo momma is so fat she got hit by a parked car!
Yo momma is so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway
Yo momma is so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets
Yo momma is so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
Yo momma is so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!
Yo momma is so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!
Yo momma is so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors
Yo momma is so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.
Yo momma is so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
Yo momma is so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.
Yo momma is so fat she influences the tides.
Yo momma is so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy
Yo momma is so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.
Yo momma is so fat she looks like she’s smuggling a Volkswagen!
Yo momma is so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
Yo momma is so fat she put on some BVD’s and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.
Yo momma is so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!
Yo momma is so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
Yo momma is so fat she stands in two time zones.
Yo momma is so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.
Yo momma is so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.
Yo momma is so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth
Yo momma is so fat she wakes up in sections!
Yo momma is so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for then new world
Yo momma is so fat she was mistaken for God’s bowling ball!
Yo momma is so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyone
Yo momma is so fat she’s got Amtrak written on her leg.
Yo momma is so fat she’s got her own area code!
Yo momma is so fat she’s got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
Yo momma is so fat she’s on both sides of the family!
Yo momma is so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!
Yo momma is so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.
Yo momma is so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
Yo momma is so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
Yo momma is so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.
Yo momma is so fat the Aids quilt wouldn’t cover her
Yo momma is so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.
Yo momma is so fat the highway patrol made her wear “Caution! Wide Turn”
Yo momma is so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts
Yo momma is so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures
Yo momma is so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!
Yo momma is so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.
Yo momma is so fat we went to the drive-in and didn’t have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.
Yo momma is so fat we’re in her right now
Yo momma is so fat when her beeper goes off people thought she was backing up
Yo momma is so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
Yo momma is so fat when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!
Yo momma is so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.
Yo momma is so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
Yo momma is so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.
Yo momma is so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don’t do livestock.
Yo momma is so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!
Yo momma is so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, “Who threw that rock?”
Yo momma is so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!
Yo momma is so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!
Yo momma is so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
Yo momma is so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago.
Yo momma is so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she’s wearing tights!
Yo momma is so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!
Yo momma is so fat when she sits on my face I can’t hear the stereo.
Yo momma is so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!
Yo momma is so fat when she steps on a scale, it read “one at a time, please”
Yo momma is so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
Yo momma is so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said “Taxi!”
Yo momma is so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!
Yo momma is so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.
Yo momma is so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
Yo momma is so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!
Yo momma is so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!
Yo momma is so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through
Yo momma is so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her!
You want to know how stupid my ex really is? Note, most of these are equal opportunity insults. If your ex is female instead of male, just switch the pronoun.
1. He took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
2. He sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
3. He misspells I.Q.
4. He thought Boyz II Men was a day care center and Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
5. Under “education” on his job application, he put “Hooked On Phonics.”
6. He tripped over a cordless phone.
7. He spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “concentrate.”
8. At the bottom of the job application where it says “sign here,” he put “Sagittarius.”
9. He studied for a blood test.
10. When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.
11. He thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
12. If he spoke his mind, he’d be speechless.
13. He thought he could only use his AM radio in the morning.
14. He has a shirt that says “TGIF.” He thought stood for “This Goes In Front
15. To call him childish is an insult to children everywhere.
16. He has reach rock bottom and started to dig.
17. His gene pool needs chlorination.
18. He�s not so much a has-been as a definitely-won�t-be.
19. He only opens his mouth to change feet.
20. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
21. He has delusions of adequacy.
22. He qualifies as a gross ignoramus; 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
23. He would argue with a signpost.
24. He brings a lot of joy, whenever he leaves the room.
25. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
26. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he’s the other one.
27. He is a prime candidate for natural de-selection.
28. He is slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
29. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.
30. If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change.
31. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
32. It takes him 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
33. If ignorance is bliss, he�s one of the happiest people alive.
34. He stopped to think and forgot to start again.
35. His sole purpose may be to serve as a warning to others.
36. He thinks a hard-on counts as personal growth.
37. He has an intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
38. He is as smart as bait.
39. In an emergency he can�t dial 911, because there�s no 11 on his phone.
40. He doesn’t know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.
41. He forgot to pay his brain bill.
42. His antenna doesn’t pick up all the channels.
43. His belt doesn’t go through all the loops.
44. If he had another brain, it would be lonely.
45. He is missing a few buttons on his remote control.
46. His receiver is off the hook.
47. He would go surfing in Nebraska.
48. He is an experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
49. He is dumber than a box of lint.
50. He took as IQ test and results came back negative.
51. He is all foam and no beer.
52. He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.