The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border.
Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations.
Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. “I just got some news, Mom,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?”
“What do I think?” his mother said. “Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don’t think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!”
A blonde decides to go icefishing so she heads out early one morning, sets her equipment up on the ice, and begins to drill a hole. She then hears a voice from above that says, “There’s no fish down there.”
Disappointed, she drags her equipment 50 yards further onto the ice. Again she begins drilling a hole and hears the voice again: “There’s no fish down there.”
Disgusted, she drags her equipment clear to the other side of the ice, again she begins to drill, and the voice repeats, “There’s no fish down there.”
She looks up and says, “God, is that you?”
The voice replies, “No, it’s the arena manager.”
15 – You spent Sunday night in jail for cow-tipping — with your Oldsmobile.
14 – Although armed with fire extinguishers, friends stood at a safe distance as you blew out your birthday candles.
13 – Thanks to you, Jack Daniels stock is up 15 1/4 since Friday.
12 – Boris Yeltsin called personally to ask you to slow down on the Stoli.
11 – For some reason, there’s salt on the rim of your basketball goal.
10 – Your name is Otis and Sheriff Andy has brought you some of Aunt Bea’s pancakes.
9 – For the money you spent on Thunderbird, you could’ve bought the automobile.
8 – You’re now the proud inventor of the “Slim Jim”: Ultra Slim-Fast shakes made with Jim Beam.
7 – Answering machine full of warnings from Coach Switzer.
6 – Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.
5 – Yet again, dry cleaner employees greet you with, “Hey, it’s Vomit Man!”
4 – The doorman asks for your I.D. just to see how long it’ll take you to find your pants.
3 – Your liver, in a fit of pique, leaps out of your abdominal cavity into a pan of frying onions.
2 – Worried friends call Monday morning to make sure you returned the goat.
1 – You’re now sober enough to realize “Drink Canada Dry” is a slogan and not a personal challenge.