How to avoid the Swine Flu
Eat right!
Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Wear a mask when out in public places and avoid going out in public as much as possible while the swine flu is spreading.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR …. You can take the doctor’s office approach.
Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first?
Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because alcohol kills germs.
So…… I put on my mask, walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest).
The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!
The millionaire and his beautiful daughter
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single.
One day, the millionaire decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, “My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars, or my daughter, to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!”
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash in the pool. The guy in the pool was swimming with all his might, and the crowd began to cheer him on. Finally, he made it to the other side of the pool unharmed.
The millionaire was impressed. He said, “That was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?”
The guy catches his breath, then says, “Listen, I don’t want your money! And I don’t want your daughter! I want the bastard who pushed me in the pool!”
Frenchman walks into a bar
A frenchman walks into a bar, smiles at the landlord and orders a glass of wine.
The frenchie looks about and sees a camel sitting at the bar as well.
The frenchie asks the landlord, “What is that dirty camel doing in here?”
The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the camel in the head and the camel gives the landlord oral pleasure.
The Landlord looks at the frenchie and says “You want a go?” to which the frenchie replies: “Oui, but there is no need to hit me over the head.”
