There’s about 40 million people over 50 years old in the work force – pay them $1 million apiece severance with stipulations.
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings – Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house/pay off their mortgage – Housing Crisis fixed.
American Taxpayers Union
“What happened?” asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
“Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out.”
“I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn’t see what the sign said.”
“By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view.”
“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked the visitor.
“What did it say?”
“Don’t stand up in the car!”
You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold.
You see a ”60 minutes” news team waiting in your office.
Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and there aren’t any.
You turn on the news and they’re showing emergency routes out of the city.
Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then realize that you don’t have a waterbed.
Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell’s Angels on the freeway.
Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.
The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard.
You wake up and your braces are locked together.
You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your pantyhose.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex.
Your paycheck bounces.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
Your pet rock snaps at you.
Your wife says, ”Good morning, Bill” and your name is George.