One day Osama bin Laden was walking in the desert and he stubbed his toe on some hard object. He bent over to pick it up and a Genie popped out.
“Oh great,” Osama bin Laden said, “I don’t have time for this Genie nonsense.”
“Oh wait,” said the Genie, “You have to let me grant you three wishes or I’ll be trapped in that stupid lamp for another ten thousand years.”
“Ok” said Osama bin Laden, so he wished that the Genie would give him three American women.
So the next morning when he woke up, after the Genie had realized who this man was and after the Genie had granted the wishes, Tanya Harding, Garcella Bevoux, and Hillary Clinton layed next to him. His knee was bashed in, his penis was gone, and he had no health insurance.
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of very rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against … get this … fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in “a series of small fires.”
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued… and won.
In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire,” it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge’s ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in “the fires.” After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested … on 24 counts of arson.
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
An old wizard was walking through a park when he came upon two statues. One statue was male and the other was female. They were positioned on opposite ends of the park, facing each other with their arms extended out as if to embrace. The wizard stood there for a long time examining their sad facial expressions until he got an idea.
He immediately opened up his bag of tricks and cast a spell on the statues to bring them to life. Once the statues realized they were human, they quickly ran up to him. The wizard, being very pleased with himself, told the statues that they could finally be together as a couple but there was one condition. He said, ”Go off and experience with each other whatever you’ve wanted to do for all these years but you must be back within a half an hour before the spell wears off.”
Wasting no time, they quickly ran off into the bushes. The wizard, with great pride, sat down on a park bench and waited patiently. Fifteen minutes later the two statues came walking back to him.
The wizard, with great shock exclaimed, ”For over a hundred years you both have bore your passions and now that you have your chance, you come back after only fifteen minutes? Go back to the bushes and continue what you were doing before you lose your only chance!”
With that in mind the female turns to the male and exclaims, ”The old man’s right. But this time you hold down the pigeons and I’ll crap on them!”