Cowboys favorite sex positions
Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions:
One says, “I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best.”
“I don’t think I have ever heard of that one”, says the other cowboy, “what is it?”
“Well, it’s where you get your girlfriend down on all fours, and you mount her from behind, and you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands, and then you whisper in her ear, “Boy, these feel just like your sister’s” and then you try to hold on for 8 seconds.”
What do your parents do for a living?
An elementary school teacher was asking her students what their parents did for a living. “Jeffrey, please be first,” she said. “Tell the class, what does your mother do?” Jeffrey stood up and proudly boasted, “She’s a doctor.”
“That’s wonderful. How about you, Amy?” Amy shyly stood up, shuffled her feet a bit and said, “My dad’s a mailman.”
“Thank you, Amy,” said her teacher. “What about your father, Jimmy?” Jimmy proudly stood up and announced, “My daddy plays piano in a whorehouse!”
The teacher was taken aback, and promptly changed the subject to social studies. Later that day she went to Jimmy’s house and knocked on the door. Jimmy’s father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said, and demanded the father provide an explanation.
Jimmy’s father said, “Well, I’m actually an attorney. But how can you explain a thing like that to a six year old?”
Bar challenge
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar.
FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS OUR TEST!
So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. The Bartender replies “Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing at once and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a ‘gator out back with a sore tooth…you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there’s a woman up-stairs who’s never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.”
The guy says, “Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won’t do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there. Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, “Wherez zat teeqeelah?”
He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence.
The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body. “Now” he says “Where’s that woman with the sore tooth?”
