New pair of shoes
A blond woman named Babbette finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she’s in serious financial trouble.
She’s so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto.”
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Babbette again prays…
“God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.” Lotto night comes and Babbette still has no luck.
Once again, she prays…”My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Babbette is confronted by the voice of God Himself: “Babbette, meet Me halfway on this.
Buy a ticket!”
Good News, Bad News
At the hospital, there was a man lying in the emergency room, the doctor opened the door and walked toward the man.
“Doctor,” the man said, “will I be OK?”
The doctor turned to him and said, “Well there is good and bad news.”
“Tell me the bad news,” said the man.
“Well,” said the doctor, “the doctor, “the bad news is that we are going to cut both your legs off.”
“Oh! my God, what the hell is the good news?” said the man.
“The good news is, see that man over there, he wants to buy your shoes,” said the doctor.
The strip dancer
The soldiers are tired and lonely after spending weeks in enemy territory. To entertain them, the Major called for this sexy dancer from the nearby town.
She came, danced and when the first dance was done, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for 5 minutes.
For her second number, she stripped and danced in sheer bra and G-string. This time the applause went for 10 minutes.
The next number she danced topless, and this time the applause went on and on. The Major had to come on stage and ask them to quiet down for the grand finale.
For her last number, she was to strip completely and dance naked. The Major expected the soldiers to make enough noise to bring the roof down. But ten minutes later, there is no clapping and the dancer comes backstage.
The Major asks her, “What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?”
She replied with a wicked smile, “Major, how do you expect those poor boys to clap with one hand?”
