Bicycles or women
Why bicycles are better than Women…
Bicycles don’t get pregnant.
You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.
Bicycles don’t have parents.
Bicycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
You can share your Bicycle with your friends.
Bicycles don’t care how many other Bicycles you’ve ridden.
When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time.
Bicycles don’t care how many other Bicycles you have.
Bicycles don’t care if you look at other Bicycles.
Bicycles don’t care if you buy Bicycle magazines.
You’ll never hear, “Surprise, you are going to own a new Bicycle” unless you go out to buy one yourself.
If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.
If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.
If your Bicycle is misaligned, you don’t have to discuss politics with it.
You don’t have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bicycle.
If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don’t have to apologize before you ride it again.
You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won’t get sore.
You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want and it won’t get frustrated.
Your parents won’t remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.
Bicycles don’t get headaches.
Bicycles don’t insult you if you’re a bad rider.
Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.
Bicycles don’t care if you’re late.
You don’t have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
If your Bicycle doesn’t look good you can paint it or get better parts.
You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle is a decent helmet.
When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.
Caught drinking in Saudi Arabia
An Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. “Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported.
Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?” said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him.
The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. When they lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London he groaned and crawled to the airport.
Next came the German. “Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?” said the prison guard
“Nothing” said the German and, after receiving his lashes spat on the ground, called the prison guards Schisers and started off towards the airport.
The guards then came to the Irishman. “Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before you begin you are entitled to something on you back, what would you like?”
“Oh”, replied the Irishman, “I’ll take the German”.
Four catholic women
Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.
The first one tells her friends, “My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him ‘Father’.”
The second Catholic woman chirps, “Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, ‘, ‘Your Grace’.”
The third Catholic woman says smugly, “Well, not to put you down, but my son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say ‘Your Eminence’.
The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women giver her this subtle “Well…?”
She replies, “My son is a gorgeous, 6′ 2″ hard-bodied, well-hung, male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women just say, “Oh my God….”
