A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life so she placed an ad, which read something like this:
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE …NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS:
1) WON’T BEAT ME UP
2) WON’T RUN AWAY
3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was ringing constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail: none seemed to match her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find a man with no arms and no legs lying on the welcome mat.
Perplexed, she asked, “Who are you? And what do you want?”
“Hi,” he said, ” your search is over, for I’m the man of your dreams. I’ve got no arms so I can’t beat you up and no legs so I can’t run away.”
“Well, then,” she said, “what makes you think that you’re so great in bed?”
To which he replied,….. “Well, I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?
Wife wanted, must be able to dig, clean, cook worms and clean fish.
Must have own boat with motor.
Please send photograph of motorboat.
Once in a lifetime offer, to get yourself the original, genuine article. One of the most handsome and smartest bachelor’s around is now looking for a wife. And you could be the lucky one he chooses! Has own house, car and successful career!
I am in demand of a wife. Supply is great though my requirements are high. However the Elasticity of my demands should not bear too heavy a burden upon the national interest.
Wife required to complete the formula of my life. Must be numerate and understand complex algebraic logarithms. Needed to help further my family unit.
Well there is definite room for improvement in my life. The speed of my current flows of information and processes is slowing down and the injection of a wife into my life is bound to improve efficiency. Compatibility could be an issue.
Wife wanted for company.
I feel there is a need in this world, to improve the ways we live, to harmonize the processes of life and to build upon past differences and short comings. I believe that we the people need someone to share our lives. To feel the joys of parent hood, and bear the social responsibilities, as we should in a civilized society…………….. (etc etc and never getting to the point)
Wanted a sturdy, reliable, low depreciating wife. Should be in excellent working condition.
Wanted a wife from good stock. Required for breading.
I hereby propose to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of wife after marriage.
The person whom I’m looking for should be strictly -a girl. The girl should be strictly a girl, with evidence to support this view that she is a girl. The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of My Lord i.e. Myself. Any objections would be overruled and will not be sustained. Apply in limited confidence as all liabilities are null and void in the event of failure on our part of any kind whatsoever.
Wife required to complete my life. Please only level headed applicants. She must not have her heads in the clouds, but have her feet firmly on the ground. Her heart must be in it for the long haul. And she absolutely must also be aerodynamically sound!!!
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.
Burri muddat keh baad eik arazoo jaagi hai,
Key hum bee shaadi shooda ho jaayeh,
Kya bahaana shaadi karaney ka…………… joh kurrey sarey sarey,
Yeah mai butaatah hoon ………
Kyoon key yaroo ub khud ghur keh kaam hotah nahee sarey sarey.
Required a girl – 5’8′ & 36′ 24′ 36′ with a good head for figures. She must be averse to making unnecessary expenditure and her very nature should be one of generating as few expenses in my life as possible. She should profit from a nice personality and be a credit to her family.
Wanted a girl. Girl’s father should preferably have a drinks factory. I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come round. Friends come round only seven times a week. Girl preferred who can carry me from bar to ghar-bar. Meet personally in a bar or send drinks for trial. Sample should be ample.
Hello! Hello! number 9 calling. This is number 9 I’m calling from base, erm a wife is needed for pick me up. Driving license not necessary, but map reading skills are a bonus.
Wanted a wife to help build upon the foundations of my life. Must be homely and willing to build relationship from the ground up.
I am looking for a wife to cure the emptiness in my life. However if you feel the need for a second opinion then it’s fine by me.
My mission in life is to find myself the perfect wife. Successful applicants must be able to use a penknife and a compass. She who dares wins. Camouflage provided.
RACE CAR DRIVER
A model wife required to fit in with my fast track life. Must be able to keep pace!
I’m searching for a wife to fill the space in my life. Someone to share my universe. Must have looks that are out of this world!
This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?”
Patient: Well, give me the bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.
Patient: That’s terrible! In two years, my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this?
Doctor: You also have Alzheimer’s. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.