A woman and man get into a car accident. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them is hurt.
After they crawl out of the wreckage, the woman says, “Wow, look at our cars – there’s nothing left! Thank God we are all right. This must be a sign from Him that we should be friends and not try to pin the blame on each other.”
The man replies, “Oh yes, I agree with you completely.”
The woman points to a bottle on the ground and says, “And here’s another miracle. Somehow this bottle of Scotch from my back seat didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this Scotch and celebrate our good fortune.”
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, and chugs about a third of the bottle to calm his nerves. He then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, “Aren’t you having any?”
The woman replies, “No. I think I’ll just wait for the police…”
Q .. Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A .. Because the can said “concentrate” on it.
Q .. How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A .. Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
Q .. What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A .. Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q .. Why don’t blondes have elevator jobs?
A .. They don’t know the route.
Q .. Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A .. So you don’t have to retrain them on Monday.
Q .. How does a blonde commit suicide?
A .. She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q .. How do you plant dope?
A .. Bury a blonde.
Q .. How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A .. Wave to her.
Q .. How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A .. Shine a torch in her ears.
Q .. How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
A .. Shine a flashlight in their ear.